Student Mum, Part Two

So as I said in my last post, in September this year I’ll be returning to life as a student mum. I’ve been offered a place at Chester University, to do a Masters in Drama, and it’s been a decision I’ve  uhm-ed and ah-ed over for quite a long time.

I knew that I desperately wanted to continue studying. It’s not that I’m not ready to let go of university – rather that I feel I’m not done with research and academic work yet. I have so many ideas in my head for research projects and performances, and the best place to translate those ideas into real life is university.

And besides, I’ve been a student mum before. This is no different – right?

Not exactly. Last time, I became a student mum unexpectedly. I had student parenthood thrust upon me, to (badly) paraphrase. Getting pregnant in my second year of an undergraduate degree was an accident.

This time, I am actively choosing to be a student parent. That carries with it a hefty amount of baggage.

People judge student parents. I found that out a few months ago, when I overheard a discussion in the university library. I managed to escape judgement by and large – all I had was compliments. But will it be different this time? Does it make a difference that last time, I was making the most of an unexpected situation – this time, I’m going ahead and sticking myself right in the middle of that situation?

I’m choosing not to be a stay-at-home mum. I’m choosing to “prioritise my career” – usually said in a bad way, although I can’t see how it’s bad when I’m doing it to benefit SB in the long run – and to do something that will probably come across as selfish. In some ways, it is selfish – I am going to do my Masters because it’s what I want to do – but am I a bad person for not feeling guilty about that?

I don’t think I am. I’m sure that some people will disagree, but I am learning more and more not to let other people’s opinions get to me – especially when it comes to doing something as big as a postgraduate degree.

People have been overwhelmingly positive about my decision. People have asked questions, which I’m fine with. I’m happy to be honest about financing the degree (loans) and intentions for afterwards (working in any job I can get, to pay back said loans, while I work on starting up my own company).

But still, there’s that little niggle of doubt. What if I’m doing something that’s selfish in a bad way? What if this time away from SB doesn’t pay off in the way I hope it will? What if the vocal minority are right, and I need to give up on my ambitions because I am a parent now?

I want 2016 to be a year without “what if”s – or at least, a year where “what if”s don’t rule my life any more.

In finishing my undergraduate degree, I proved to everyone else that pregnancy and parenting isn’t an obstacle to studying and achieving your ambition.

With my postgraduate degree, it’s time to prove it to myself.

… Hello 2016

Here we are. The first day of a brand new year.

I used to hate New Year’s Day. It was boring – everywhere was closed, everyone was tired from parties the night before. It’s a day of sitting around, watching whatever terrible repeats are on the TV and wishing you could get out and do something. The tree is usually still up, reminding you that Christmas is over but you just can’t let go, and the party season is well and truly finished.

I love new year’s eve, even if I’m not big on going out and partying for it. Daf and I have been together for five years – we got together on New Year’s Eve 2010 – and so it’s always been one of my favourite days. But new year’s day? Nah.

This year, however, I’m determined to make it a good start to what I hope will be a good year. The tree is going down on New Year’s Eve, so we’ll wake to a fresh, clean flat ready for the new year. We’ve got friends coming over on new year’s eve, so we’ll have had a great night before, and on new year’s day we’re off to see my parents, to exchange Christmas presents and see everyone.

Fingers crossed, the first day of 2016 will be a good one – but what comes afterwards? What does 2016 hold in store for us as a family, me as a person, and the blog as a… well, as a blog.

Well, by the end of January, “The Speed Bump” will (hopefully!) have been released on Kindle. That’s pretty exciting in itself – publishing my own book has been a real experience, and there’s a lot of work gone into it, so I’m excited to see it come to fruition and I hope people enjoy it!

Daf will be graduating university this year, and although there’s some work for him to do first, I’m confident he’ll graduate with great grades, and I’m so proud of him for what he’s done.

Of course, SB is turning two, and my thoughts have already started turning to what we’ll do to celebrate. I can’t believe we’ll have a two year old this year – it’s crazy!

I have an audition for a drama school in January. I’m not going in there with high hopes – it’s more for the experience than anything – because no matter what happens, 2016 is going to be pretty exciting from an academic point of view.

I haven’t mentioned this yet, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. As I said a few weeks ago, I had an interview for a Masters degree on December 10th. I was nervous, but went along, hoping I wouldn’t be totally out of my depth. I had a great time at the interview and felt like I gave a pretty good account of myself.

It was the day before we went to Butlins, so when we got back from our weekend away, there was a letter from the university waiting for me. I’ve been accepted onto the Masters degree, and will be starting in September 2016. I’m absolutely over the moon – this is another step towards my eventual goals of setting up my own company and potentially studying for a PhD – and it means that I’ll be a student parent again from September this year!

As for blogging – well, I’ll still be here, doing what I always do. I love blogging, and I can’t see myself stopping any time soon. Maybe one day it’ll come to a natural end, but for 2016, The Speed Bump isn’t going anywhere.

What about for us as a family? I spoke a lot in 2015 about wanting to expand our family, but I think – for various reasons – 2016 won’t be the year that happens. I’m going to be starting medication for the tummy pains that blighted the second half of 2015 that will make conceiving very improbable, and with the Masters starting in September, I’m pretty keen to avoid being a pregnant student again. It’s one stress we could all do without.

We’re okay with that, though. I love parenting SB, and I’m happy to hold off on Baby #2 for as long as it takes. My ovaries get all ‘splodey sometimes when I see an adorable squidgy newborn, but I can handle that until we’re ready for another.

2016 is shaping up to be a great year. I’m not going to count any chickens – you never know what could happen. I had high hopes for 2015 and spent most of it in and out of hospital with one illness after another, so I’m hoping for a year with as few appointments as possible.

Either way,  I know that with SB and Daf by my side, we can’t go too far wrong.

Hell – Sorry, ELF – On The Shelf

Look at those rosy cheeks. Those bright blue eyes. That coquettish pose.

The Elf On The Shelf is a craze that seems to have taken America by storm, and has now swept across the UK too. That little elf… thing has won the hearts of millions of parents across the globe with his hotline to Father Christmas and his loveable antics… but is he all that he appears?

I offer up the suggestion that the Elf On The Shelf is not who you think he is – and give you ten reasons why you will not be finding this little red-clothed sweetie/hellbeast from the fiery pits of jingle hell on my shelf any time soon…

(I hope you like my top-notch Microsoft Paint skills there, turning kindly Jingle Pants or Joy Socks (what is it with combining an upbeat, jolly word with underwear?!) into Satan’s Minion).

1. The Name. Seeing as I’ve already talked about the names you can give your Elf On The Shelf, I’ll make it the first point in my list. You’re supposed to give it a happy, jolly name like Cupcake or Snowball (search Pinterest for “Elf On The Shelf name” and you will find dozens of pins devoted to coming up with the perfect title for your little home invader). Surely once the kids are in bed, poor Elfie only gets known by “little prick” or “ya wee fucker” or “Jingledick Buttnugget” as desperate parents try to wrestle him onto their child’s ‘My Little Pony’ ready for the morning?
2. The Concept. Santa is getting into some weird 1984-style shit the last few years. Rather than installing “Big Brother Is Watching You” cameras everywhere, apparently he’s just sending his little Private Investigator elves into children’s homes to make sure they’re behaving. Guys, I hate to educate through song, but… “He knows if you’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness’ sake!”. Santa knows. He doesn’t need his Orwellian scouts to take up residence in people’s homes! So why are these elves so desperate to get in…?
3. The Doll. Come on… it’s just creepy as shit. What does he have to look so pleased about? What is he hiding behind that self-satisfied smirk?
4. The Moaning. We’ve reached mid-December, so there’s already been a few moans and whinges about having to come up with new ideas for the Elf on the Shelf. Loathe though I am to point out that you ordered the bloody thing off Amazon – I mean, from the North Pole – in the first place, you have kind of brought this on yourself.
5. The Activities. If you’re super-organised, mega-crafty mum then yeah, Elf on the Shelf is going to be fab. We’ve already established that I am none of those things, and poor Jinglesocks Poopypants would end up on an extended holiday to Marbella once I ran out of activities for him on December 3rd.
6. The Instagram. Oh god. Is there a way of blocking hashtags? I don’t want to see what Numbnuts got up to last night. Let’s just put a total block on #ElfOnTheShelf, #EOTS and just about anything related to elves and/or shelves (sorry DIY stores, I’m boycotting you guys too this December).
7. He’s a Bad Influence. I have seen far too many pictures of Elsa freezing Twinkletwat to know that there is corruption afoot in households up and down the UK. Elves may come and go, but Elsa is forever (why God why?!), and you’ll be the one having to deal with that behaviour once Christmas is done.
8. HE’S SO CREEPY.  What is with the pose? I mean, really? If you’re a scout elf you’ve got to be at least eighteen years old, and you’re sitting there in a onesie and matching hat. That’s nothing to be proud of, much less sit there like you’re waiting for a macho sailor to come and sweep you off your feet.
9. Kids Get Attached. How are they going to feel on Christmas Eve, when their beloved elf flies back to Hell the North Pole? Way to have tears on Christmas morning…
10. HE’S, LIKE, REALLY SUPER CREEPY. Okay so he comes into your home, beguiles you all with his creepy pretty eyes, watches your children creepily, reports back to Father Christmas like a little creep, gets away with all the things you tell your children not to do all year around – AND you pay almost $30 for the experience of having a shitey little onesie-clad freaky Jinglefuck Cockbutter sitting on your freaking bookshelf? ON WHAT PLANET IS THIS NOT a) creepy and b)a total friggin’ con?!?!

Okay, so we’ve established that I’m a teeny tiny bit biased against Elf On The Shelf because I have a deep-seated hatred of him – but seriously, am I missing something amazing about this little elf? Will I suddenly, magically understand in a few years’ time? What is it about this demonic creepy little elf that has everyone under his spell?

As a bonus “reason this will never happen”, Daf and I couldn’t control our childish sides. We’d have Jinglefuck doing lines of icing-sugar coke on the kitchen counter tops and reading teeny tiny porn magazines. In fact, maybe one year we’ll do an alternative – the Anti-Elf?

Still, for now that elf has the world eating out of the palm of his tiny plastic hand, so I’m just going to have to deal with the Instagram hashtags and the constant references to Twinkleballsack – but don’t for one second think you’re getting away with your evil plans, Elf and all your minions…

I’m onto you.

Butlins: Day Three!

So as morning dawned bright and early in Minehead, we were ready to make the most of our last full day at Butlins! Despite a rocky start – nothing that was Butlins’ fault and all to do with sheer bad luck really – we were having a fantastic time, and were on an absolute high from seeing SB meet Santa the night before!

We went for breakfast, with SB looking even more festive than the day before’s Rudolph jumper, in her little Santa dress!

She had a proper breakfast selection – a sausage, some beans, some jam toast and a bowl of mandarin slices with yoghurt! She ate bits and pieces of everything – the dining plan is such a great way of testing out toddler tastebuds and finding new things for them to eat!

Then we went back to the Skyline pavillion, and spent a little time wandering around – we collected our photos with Santa, and SB had her first Babycino. The ‘dance floor’ was roped off and everyone in the deckchairs was doing Silent Cinema, which looked fab – The Polar Express was on the huge screen, and everyone had their headphones in listening to the audio! It’s such a great idea.

We went back to the fairground, as it was time for another ride on the carousel – this time, SB and I sat in the carriage while Daf went on a horse, and she loved waving to him and christened his horse “Bob”. Then, we had another First – SB’s first time on a trampoline! She absolutely loved it!

After lunch – another Soho Coffee Co lunchtime (I can highly recommend the BBQ chicken panini!) – we went swimming again. It was much quieter and we had a great time – SB loved floating around in the main pool as the waves from the wave pool came through to us. We went on the Lazy River, which was great fun, and Daf went on the Master Blaster slide – he was surprised by how fast it was! The pool at Butlins is amazing – our only criticism would be the lack of baby changing tables considering how many little ones are there!

Of course, that wasn’t helped by the fact that a woman went into the baby changing room with her two older children and just used the changing table as a shelf for their stuff, but that was her being inconsiderate and not any fault of Butlins themselves. They could definitely do with more baby change facilities though – maybe some baby changing tables scattered about as well as the ones in the baby changing rooms themselves?

We did a bit of exploring around the site and took some photos, and we went for an ice cream at Scoop, the on-site ice cream parlour. Again, I cannot fault the customer service. The lady who served us – I think her name was Deanna – was an absolute star, so lovely and chatty, and SB had the ‘Pinochio’ sundae – we were amazed by it, super cute and SB loved it!

After a nap it was time for dinner. Yet again the food cannot be faulted; there’s such a variety and it was great to be able to try SB with a variety of different foods. She loved the Annabel Karmel pasta especially, and because there was plastic cutlery and plates,  she could really experiment with feeding herself and she did pretty well… even though at one point she started cuddling each piece of pesto pasta before she ate it…

We went back to the Skyline for a bit, and SB went on her favourite ride of all – a little train that went around and around. Finally it was time for bed – we were all tired after another long, fun day, and had to be up early in time for travelling home the next day!