Not A Crafty Mummy…

My Instagram, Pinterest and WordPress feeds are filled with fantastic craft ideas for toddlers right now. It’s the run up to Christmas, so it makes sense – handmade crafts make perfect presents, and it’s lovely to have decorations that you can look back on in years to come and think “Ahh, this was made by my child when they were two years old!”.

I love looking at these posts and pictures, don’t get me wrong – I am always in awe of people’s crafting skills and abilities, and the amazing things they can produce with a couple of potatoes and some glitter glue, but it spurs some feelings of serious inadequacy. You see, I am the opposite of a crafty mummy.

I’m not horrendous at crafting. I mean, I made SB’s Hallowe’en costume (which I need to recreate this week ready for Comic Con on Sunday…), which involved painting a babygro… but that was it, really. Daf made most of the little hat, which was by far the craftiest part of the ensemble. 

You see, Daf is amazing at arts and crafts. His drawings are incredible; he does cosplay, he loves getting paints out – he’s truly talented when it comes to anything arty. I am quite the opposite. I can draw cartoons on a good day – my picture of SB being one example of a ‘good day’ – but apart from that, hand me a tube of glitter glue and all I can make is a mess.

I’ll gladly facilitate arts and crafts sessions – I love sitting on the floor with SB, masses of A3 paper spread out before us and going crazy with our crayons. Once we have a toddler table, I’ll even stretch to PVA glue and as many lollipop sticks and cotton wool balls as her heart desires – but the problem comes when we want to attempt crafts that require an adult’s help. I may be an adult, but when it comes to arts and crafts I am totally and utterly inept.

We made SB’s Easter bonnet back in April – or rather, Daf made it, and I stuck loads of stickers all over it to decorate, and glued the eggs into the nest on top. Beyond that, however, I fear I am hopeless. For years to come, every craft project – every tissue-box-and-cardboard-roll guitar, every sock puppet, every bridge-made-of-straws (see, I’m great at ideas, just awful at the execution) will be strictly Daddy’s Domain.

Of course, I wish I could produce Pinterest-perfect potato prints and Instagram-ready cardboard masterpieces – but not being a crafty mum doesn’t make me a worse mum. Maybe one day my skills will improve, and I’ll be capable of producing epic, artful masterpieces out of pipe cleaners and fuzzy felt, but for now, SB seems pretty happy with a slightly-sketchy drawing of a Christmas tree on a big piece of printer paper for her to draw tinsel on or fire, when she gets liberal with the orange crayon – and as far as I’m concerned, that’s all that matters.

Whoa There, Mama Bear

I pride myself on being a relatively calm, measured mum most of the time. When SB falls over, I don’t panic – I put on my best “mum” voice and say “Oh dear!”, pick her up and get her to brush her hands together. I don’t tend to overreact, I don’t get too judgypants-y – I’m pretty cool, calm and collected, if I do say so myself.

Or, at least, I thought I was. Picking SB up from nursery the other day, she was halfway through her afternoon snack of beans and bread. Not one to be separated from her food (that’s my girl!), she brought her beans over to me and let me watch her feed herself, as Daf spoke to the nursery workers about her day.

Thankfully, this meant that I was distracted, and only-just-about heard the nursery workers telling Daf that there had been an ‘incident’ earlier in the day.

SB and another child had been playing with Happyland, when they reached for the toy at the same time, and the other child bit SB on the arm, leaving teeth marks and a nasty bruise.

I managed to stay calm. We finished the beans, waved goodbye to her nursery friends, and got outside. It wasn’t until I checked her arm and saw the marks that my Mama Bear instincts kicked in, and I had to resist the urge to run into the nursery, gather the nursery class in a half circle and do a Liam Neeson style “I don’t know who bit my daughter, but I will find you, and I will… steal your teddy, or something” (I can’t say “I will kill you”, they’re two years old at the most for goodness’ sake).

The thing is, SB was fine. They put a cold compress on it at the time and gave her lots of cuddles and TLC and made her feel better. I was the one who was in a state. I was relieved that she was okay, but every so often I’d think of how she must have felt when it happened; my poor scared baby just happily playing with her friends with a toy she loves (literally half of her Christmas is Happyland this year) and being hurt for no reason, and it made me want to cry and get angry simultaneously.

I don’t blame the nursery. They can’t be everywhere at once, I know, and they’re fantastic at dealing with these incidents. The problem is that it isn’t the first time there’s been a biting incident in recent weeks, and those of us whose children are being bitten are slightly worried that this is going to become a recurring theme.

I have no idea who the child who bit SB is, and even if I did, I wouldn’t say anything. There could be any manner of reasons why their child is biting, ranging from additional needs to just going through a bitey stage. SB may go through a similar stage at some point, I know lots of toddlers do. The parents could be at the end of their tether trying to stop their little one from biting, and the last thing they need is me going up to them all guns blazing and saying “Hey, why is your child biting mine?!”.

Instead, all I can do is put my Mama Bear instincts to one side, comfort SB, and spare a thought for the parent who was told at that pickup that their child had bitten yet another of his or her classmates – because it can’t be a nice thing to hear.

The Daddy Diaries #7: The Future

Here we have it – the very last Daddy Diaries! It’s been seven weeks since the series began, and we’ve been so pleased with the response to it. Daf is really touched that you’ve all enjoyed hearing parenting from his viewpoint, and I’ve loved doing these interviews. Looks like we’ll now have to go back to our regular evening schedule of sitting on the sofa, staring at our respective laptops and ignoring each other 😉 

In this week’s Daddy Diaries, Daf is looking towards the future, and what it might hold for us…

Do you want more children in the future? How many do you want in total? 

I want as many as my lovely spouse will allow. (I swear I did not tell him to say that! He said it all of his own accord… he clearly wants something… -M) We’ve discussed it, and three is a nice number. Maybe more.

 

Will you do anything differently with future children? 

A lot of people say “no” when they answer this question, but I think some of them are kidding themselves. The first baby is a total culture shock, and I think every parent would make an effort not to make any mistakes with Baby #2 that they might have made with #1. On a personal level, I will remember that it is okay put the next baby in the crib before they’re three weeks old. That might help.

 

What sort of sister do you envision SB being? 

Trouble! She will be amazing. She’s so kind and funny, and she’ll definitely look out for her siblings. She already loves taking care of people, comforting them if they look sad or ill. She’ll be amazing – I know I’m biased, but I don’t care!

 

What is your greatest fear for SB’s future? 

We live in a society where if you do not fit into a neat little ‘norm’, you are judged. I worry that she will feel unable to be who she wants to be, for fear of being judged.

 

What is your greatest wish for her future? 

That society changes, so she can be whoever she wants to be without worrying about being judged. 

 

Do you think you know all there is to know about fatherhood? 

(At this point, Daf requested that I write down the following to describe his reaction…) *stares in disbelief at the absurdity of the question*… Yes. #Sarcasm.

 

What does your ideal life look like in five years’ time? 

I do want us to have a bigger family, and just to be spending time with my amazing family is the ideal future for me. Also, we will have adopted seventeen more hamsters.

 

Does the future seem brighter since you became a father? 

Yes… and a whole lot scarier. But I know as long as I have my family, everything will be alright.

 

The Daddy Diaries #6: Reflections on Fatherhood

So here we are, at the penultimate week of ‘The Daddy Diaries’! Daf and I have loved making this series together, getting to see student parenting and young parenthood from the father’s perspective, and I hope you’ve all enjoyed reading it so far! Today, Daf is reflecting on fatherhood, and how it’s changed him as a person…

What is the most important lesson that fatherhood has taught you?

It’s hard to say. Everything has changed, and nothing is what I expected it to be. I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned is to never be fooled into thinking that I’ve got all the answers, because I definitely haven’t.

Do you think you have changed as a person since becoming a father? 

Yes. I think I appear more confident than before, because I don’t want SB to feel the way I felt growing up. I’m starting to learn to say ‘no’ to people, and to stop always trying to be the people-pleaser. That’s something my dad taught me – always put your family first.

How would you have described yourself before SB came along? 

Nerdy introvert, very awkward, practically non-existent self esteem. I always wanted to please people. I wanted a family and I wanted to do well in life, but I never believed I’d actually manage it.

Has that changed now? 

My self esteem is still pretty low, but I have an amazing family. As for succeeding, I now know that I want to become a teacher. It isn’t so much that my confidence has improved so I feel like I can do it – it’s more that now, failure isn’t an option. I have to make it, for SB’s sake, so I am more determined to get there and not let anything stand in my way.

Has becoming a father affected your friendships?

It’s made me realise that if people are true friends, they’ll accept me with a family just as easily as they accepted me without a family. Being a dad has definitely shown me who my real friends are.

Do you feel like a stronger person for your experiences?

I do. Just having SB makes me want to be the best dad I can be. I don’t feel as nervous when I’m looking after her, and I have much more confidence in my abilities.

Are you the father you imagined you would be? 

I’m not sure. I always wanted to be a dad, but I never really imagined all the responsibilities that come as part of it, or how I’d deal with them. I am happy with the dad I am, though. SB is happy, healthy, warm and clean, she has what she needs and knows that she is loved. That’s the important thing.

Has fatherhood changed your outlook and opinion on life altogether? 

I like to think I’m more positive about everything now. One thing is for sure; SB makes me see the world in a much brighter light.

So that’s part six of The Daddy Diaries. Next week we’ll have the seventh and final edition, where Daf will be talking all about what the future holds for us as a family, and for him as a father. Don’t miss it!