Student Mum, Part Two

So as I said in my last post, in September this year I’ll be returning to life as a student mum. I’ve been offered a place at Chester University, to do a Masters in Drama, and it’s been a decision I’ve  uhm-ed and ah-ed over for quite a long time.

I knew that I desperately wanted to continue studying. It’s not that I’m not ready to let go of university – rather that I feel I’m not done with research and academic work yet. I have so many ideas in my head for research projects and performances, and the best place to translate those ideas into real life is university.

And besides, I’ve been a student mum before. This is no different – right?

Not exactly. Last time, I became a student mum unexpectedly. I had student parenthood thrust upon me, to (badly) paraphrase. Getting pregnant in my second year of an undergraduate degree was an accident.

This time, I am actively choosing to be a student parent. That carries with it a hefty amount of baggage.

People judge student parents. I found that out a few months ago, when I overheard a discussion in the university library. I managed to escape judgement by and large – all I had was compliments. But will it be different this time? Does it make a difference that last time, I was making the most of an unexpected situation – this time, I’m going ahead and sticking myself right in the middle of that situation?

I’m choosing not to be a stay-at-home mum. I’m choosing to “prioritise my career” – usually said in a bad way, although I can’t see how it’s bad when I’m doing it to benefit SB in the long run – and to do something that will probably come across as selfish. In some ways, it is selfish – I am going to do my Masters because it’s what I want to do – but am I a bad person for not feeling guilty about that?

I don’t think I am. I’m sure that some people will disagree, but I am learning more and more not to let other people’s opinions get to me – especially when it comes to doing something as big as a postgraduate degree.

People have been overwhelmingly positive about my decision. People have asked questions, which I’m fine with. I’m happy to be honest about financing the degree (loans) and intentions for afterwards (working in any job I can get, to pay back said loans, while I work on starting up my own company).

But still, there’s that little niggle of doubt. What if I’m doing something that’s selfish in a bad way? What if this time away from SB doesn’t pay off in the way I hope it will? What if the vocal minority are right, and I need to give up on my ambitions because I am a parent now?

I want 2016 to be a year without “what if”s – or at least, a year where “what if”s don’t rule my life any more.

In finishing my undergraduate degree, I proved to everyone else that pregnancy and parenting isn’t an obstacle to studying and achieving your ambition.

With my postgraduate degree, it’s time to prove it to myself.

… Hello 2016

Here we are. The first day of a brand new year.

I used to hate New Year’s Day. It was boring – everywhere was closed, everyone was tired from parties the night before. It’s a day of sitting around, watching whatever terrible repeats are on the TV and wishing you could get out and do something. The tree is usually still up, reminding you that Christmas is over but you just can’t let go, and the party season is well and truly finished.

I love new year’s eve, even if I’m not big on going out and partying for it. Daf and I have been together for five years – we got together on New Year’s Eve 2010 – and so it’s always been one of my favourite days. But new year’s day? Nah.

This year, however, I’m determined to make it a good start to what I hope will be a good year. The tree is going down on New Year’s Eve, so we’ll wake to a fresh, clean flat ready for the new year. We’ve got friends coming over on new year’s eve, so we’ll have had a great night before, and on new year’s day we’re off to see my parents, to exchange Christmas presents and see everyone.

Fingers crossed, the first day of 2016 will be a good one – but what comes afterwards? What does 2016 hold in store for us as a family, me as a person, and the blog as a… well, as a blog.

Well, by the end of January, “The Speed Bump” will (hopefully!) have been released on Kindle. That’s pretty exciting in itself – publishing my own book has been a real experience, and there’s a lot of work gone into it, so I’m excited to see it come to fruition and I hope people enjoy it!

Daf will be graduating university this year, and although there’s some work for him to do first, I’m confident he’ll graduate with great grades, and I’m so proud of him for what he’s done.

Of course, SB is turning two, and my thoughts have already started turning to what we’ll do to celebrate. I can’t believe we’ll have a two year old this year – it’s crazy!

I have an audition for a drama school in January. I’m not going in there with high hopes – it’s more for the experience than anything – because no matter what happens, 2016 is going to be pretty exciting from an academic point of view.

I haven’t mentioned this yet, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. As I said a few weeks ago, I had an interview for a Masters degree on December 10th. I was nervous, but went along, hoping I wouldn’t be totally out of my depth. I had a great time at the interview and felt like I gave a pretty good account of myself.

It was the day before we went to Butlins, so when we got back from our weekend away, there was a letter from the university waiting for me. I’ve been accepted onto the Masters degree, and will be starting in September 2016. I’m absolutely over the moon – this is another step towards my eventual goals of setting up my own company and potentially studying for a PhD – and it means that I’ll be a student parent again from September this year!

As for blogging – well, I’ll still be here, doing what I always do. I love blogging, and I can’t see myself stopping any time soon. Maybe one day it’ll come to a natural end, but for 2016, The Speed Bump isn’t going anywhere.

What about for us as a family? I spoke a lot in 2015 about wanting to expand our family, but I think – for various reasons – 2016 won’t be the year that happens. I’m going to be starting medication for the tummy pains that blighted the second half of 2015 that will make conceiving very improbable, and with the Masters starting in September, I’m pretty keen to avoid being a pregnant student again. It’s one stress we could all do without.

We’re okay with that, though. I love parenting SB, and I’m happy to hold off on Baby #2 for as long as it takes. My ovaries get all ‘splodey sometimes when I see an adorable squidgy newborn, but I can handle that until we’re ready for another.

2016 is shaping up to be a great year. I’m not going to count any chickens – you never know what could happen. I had high hopes for 2015 and spent most of it in and out of hospital with one illness after another, so I’m hoping for a year with as few appointments as possible.

Either way,  I know that with SB and Daf by my side, we can’t go too far wrong.