Blogging Awards Make Me Proud To Be A Blogger

The blogging awards season is coming to an end, with only the Mumsnet Blogger Awards left to go, and it’s been another great year.

People have nominated, voted, been shortlisted, attended glitzy award ceremonies and celebrated and commiserated as the best and the brightest in the blogging world are celebrated for their achievements.

This year – as with last year, and the year before – I haven’t really been involved. I’ve nominated and voted, but I haven’t been nominated or shortlisted myself. There’s always that little heart-in-the-mouth feeling when you see the lists go out and you think to yourself, “Is there a possibility I’m on there?”, but I wouldn’t say it’s disappointing when my name doesn’t appear on the list. Some of my lovely talented blogging friends have been shortlisted and finalists this year, so I’ve been really happy for them!

This blogging awards season has left an odd taste in my mouth, though. There seems to have been an undercurrent of backlash towards the blogging awards scene. Declarations that it’s all a personality contest; it’s the same people winning every time; others don’t stand a chance. I won’t call it sour grapes, because I know it’s hard. You put your blog out there, it’s very personal and important to you, and you want people to like it. You want to be recognised for the hard work you put in. It’s not sour grapes, it’s something else I can’t quite put my finger on.

Basically, I think people are looking at these blogging awards in the wrong light. They’re not pitting blogger against blogger in some kind of gory, bloody fight to the death. It’s not the Blogging Hunger Games (although that would be really cool, and it’d basically be a case of turn off the WiFi and see which blogger dies of not being able to Instagram first) – it’s a celebration of blogging.

I was watching the Periscope livestream of the MAD Blog Awards, and it struck me how celebratory it all was. There was no bitterness, no Oscars-style “disappointed loser’s clap” – everyone was genuinely excited for each nominee, and the applause and support for the winner each time was wonderful. Bloggers coming together from all over the country to celebrate each other. That’s what the blogging community is about!

When you see it as a contest, it becomes a case of “people clearly think their blog is better than mine”, “what does she have that I don’t?” – and that way bitterness and negativity lies. Instead, see the awards for what they really are. Recognising the outstanding achievements of certain bloggers; a chance to be inspired by what they’ve done with their blog, an opportunity to meet fellow bloggers and support each other.

Even if I never win a blogging award – and let’s face it, there’s thousands of us parent bloggers in the UK alone, my chances aren’t great – I’ll still love watching the awards ceremonies. Cheering on the winners and encouraging the runners up, celebrating the crazy, lovely world of blogging and the parent blogger community inside it.

Although if you do have a Blogger Hunger Games, you can leave my name off the nominations list for that one.

Officially A Graduate!

Well, here we are then. The dust has settled, the caps have been thrown and I am a graduate!

Graduation on Friday was amazing; the loveliest and proudest day since SB was born. She was a little star throughout – she and Daf sat and watched the graduation being live-streamed, and fell asleep a few minutes after watching me walk across the stage and shake hands with the vice-chancellor! – if a little tired at the end, hence her expression in some of the pictures.

I can’t describe the feeling of walking across the stage – it was amazing!

The entire day was lovely. I had three sets of pictures done – one of me on my own, one of me with my parents and one of me with Daf and SB, so I’m looking forwards to seeing those when they arrive, along with my degree certificate! After the ceremony, we walked over to the library building with the chancellor, vice chancellors and lecturers and governers, all in their academic dress, applauding us as we passed, and then there was wine and soft drinks laid on in the library for everyone.

The speeches were inspirational, and left me determined to make the best of my degree – and with that in mind, I’ve had a slight shift in my plans for the next few years. There’ll be more on that in due course, but it was definitely a day with a lot of food for thought!

Thank you for the amazing reception to my graduation post; there have been so many kind comments and messages that I have received, and each one has made me smile (and many have made me feel a little bit teary!). There were definitely a few tears yesterday – all happy tears, as I thought about the amazing three years at Glyndwr, and how I started university as an eighteen year old with no real aim in life, and have ended it as a twenty-one year old mother with a wonderful family and a lot of plans for the future! There’s a lot said these days about how university is pointless, and is just a three year holiday for the middle classes. I’m about as far removed from middle class as it gets, and I wouldn’t change a thing about my time at university – I’d recommend it to anyone (although, if you want a slightly easier ride of it, you may wish to skip the ‘having a baby’ part).

So now it’s time for the future. For the first time, I think I’m actually ready.

Moments that melt my heart…

Recently, I’ve spoken a lot about the harder and the funnier aspects of parenting. I’ve talked about the tough times such as the battle with PND, the funny times like the weird things that keep SB amused, and the times where you have to laugh, otherwise you’ll cry – like our little shopping trip last week. Now, I want to talk about something totally different – the moments that make me love being a mum.

When you’re a parent, there are a lot of ‘big’ moments and milestones. Things like birthdays, Christmases, first words, first steps – those are the big moments, and they may be the first ones to spring to mind when you think about times you’ve really enjoyed being your child’s parent.

If you think a little harder, and delve a little deeper into your memory, a different set of moments may come to mind. These aren’t the moments you’d often document through pictures or video; or the moments that you have big celebrations for. They’re the little things; the everyday moments where you pause and realise just how amazing your life is.

I’ve been thinking a lot about these moments lately. I’m trying to take as much time as possible to enjoy and remember the small things, because I know that in the end, those will be the moments we’ll have great memories of. Do I remember every childhood birthday, Christmas and Easter? No. But do I remember indoor picnics in the living room of my parents’ house, when they’d set up the picnic rug and serve tinfoil-wrapped sandwiches on plastic plates? Do I remember going to the beach after school at the beginning of every September and enjoying having the coast to ourselves again, once all the holidaymakers had gone home, and we’d just run and splash and paddle and shriek together? Yes. In fact, I remember them so clearly, and with such fondness, and that is what I want for SB and our future children.

Those moments weren’t planned down to the last detail. In fact, they were spur-of-the-moment decisions. A Living Room Picnic would keep us entertained for at least an hour on a rainy summer day; perfect for if my parents needed some peace and quiet. The beach trip would always be a surprise – we’d get home from school and be chivvied upstairs to get our swimming costumes on. They’re little everyday moments that we associate with family life, but they’re some of my favourite memories of my childhood.

Since I’ve started taking time to relish the little moments recently, there are some that really stand out to me.

Lately, SB has been having trouble sleeping. The culprit is a nasty cough which won’t go away – we’ll be popping to the doctors if there’s no improvement soon – and wakes her up every now and then in the night. Most of the time she doesn’t fully wake up, and will fall straight back to sleep – but sometimes she gets a bit panicky, so one of us will pop in and make sure she’s got her dummy and her teddy. Sometimes, I can’t resist picking her up for a cuddle. When she snuggles into my neck and puts her hand on my chest so she can feel my heartbeat, my heart fills up with so much love. I didn’t think it was possible to feel this much love for another human being.

I’ve posted quite a lot about SB starting to develop a bit of sass, and a very cheeky personality. I think she’s starting to realise that she can play one of us off against the other, and will choose which one of us is her partner in crime for that particular day. She’ll then make it her mission to drive the other one crazy. Today, I was the partner in crime and Daf was the unfortunate victim. When I was in the kitchen, she was winding him up doing something or other, and I heard him say “No”. I turned around to see what she was doing – and she turned to me and gave me the most evil, mischeivous smile I’ve ever seen; her nose crinkled, her eyes wrinkled, and I could tell she was so proud of herself. In that moment, I realised that I love our family so much.

When we’re out and about, people compliment SB on her demeanour a lot – we get a lot of remarks about how happy and smiley she is, and those are little moments where I feel a little swell of pride too. It feels like an affirmation that we are doing something right – after all, we’re the ones raising this little ray of sunshine, so we’ve contributed to that smiley face – even if only genetically!

When she has her bowl of raspberries as an afternoon snack, she’ll sit down with a teddy or two, and attempt to feed the raspberries to them. It’s so adorable that my heart melts a little – but I also burst with pride, because she wants to share. She’s all about sharing – she’ll constantly offer us sips of her drink, food from her plate, her toys and her toothbrush and anything else she loves, she wants to share it with us. It makes me so proud of what a lovely little girl she is, even though it’s such a small moment.

Singing in the car, and watching her bob her head along in time to the music, a big cheesy grin on her face. Watching her smile and wave at random people when we’re shopping – I know she’s got no concept of stranger danger, and that’s an issue we’ll need to address pretty sharpish, but she’s so polite and friendly and it never fails to make me smile. Our ‘mad 10 minutes’ every night, where we chase her around the living room and tickle her until she shrieks with laughter. Snuggles on the sofa watching Disney films. Watching her dance on her Daddy’s feet.

These are the moments that make me remember how much I love being a mum, and they’re the moments I’ll look back on to get me through tough times. Sometimes, life moves so quickly, and we’re so focused on getting to one big milestone after the other, that we forget to stop and look around. Life is happening all around us, all the time, and there’s so many beautiful moments intertwined with the mundane – and if you blink, you’ll miss them.

Trust me when I say, you don’t want to miss a moment.

Drowning In Drool

There’s no two ways about it. SB is officially drowning in drool.

Not only is the poor thing teething like mad, she’s also got some kind of toddler version of freshers’ flu, making her feel really under the weather. She spent most of last night alternating between being totally crashed out asleep, and waking up crying. We tried to shush her back to sleep as much as possible, but cuddles were the only remedy in the end. We had a nice long snuggle while D had a shower, and then D came in and had a cuddle, and then she went back off to sleep without a fuss.

This morning she was still feeling sorry for herself, but she’s a lot brighter now, and it was a relief to see her smiling again! She’s got a bright red cheek, so I’m crossing my fingers that it’s just teething rather than something like slapped cheek, and that she’ll be feeling a litle brighter soon! Sharky is helping with the teething pain, but she seems to drool more when she has him – she’s soaking through her t-shirts at a terrifying rate.

I hate it when my baby is poorly – I start to question my parenting abilities, especially when it seems like we can’t do anything to help. Of course, it’s no reflection on us as parents – I know as well as anyone that sometimes, you just feel like crap, and despite everyone’s best efforts there’s nothing anyone can do to take that feeling away – but that feeling of helplessness is horrible.

Last night, after I’d slathered her chest and feet in Snufflebabe (rubbing it on the feet really works!), changed her nappy, we’d given her calpol and rubbed Dentinox into her gums (getting bitten repeatedly in the process, ouch!), I was feeling like a pretty terrible mum. What else could I do? She was crying and miserable, her poor little face scrunched up, her chubby little hands balled into fists as she kicked and wailed. When you have such a happy toddler, it’s so odd to see them upset and crying – it feels like going back to the newborn days again. Everyone remarks on how SB never stops smiling, but last night, that smile was nowhere to be seen.

Eventually, she reached out her pudgy little arms for me, and I picked her up. I tried rocking her whilst standing up, but she didn’t enjoy it – so I sat down. Normally, she hates being sat down, especially if someone is holding her. Last night though, she flopped her head onto my shoulder, wrapped her arms around my neck and nuzzled in close – cuddles were what she needed. When she got uncomfortable, I changed her nappy, and there it was – a tired, poorly smile. Just what I needed to see to let me know that even though I wasn’t taking the pain away, even though I couldn’t stop her nose from running and her gums from hurting, and I couldn’t promise her a peaceful night’s sleep, I was trying my best to make it better, giving her cuddles and comfort and rocking her back to sleep – and to her, that was enough.