Student Mum, Part Two

So as I said in my last post, in September this year I’ll be returning to life as a student mum. I’ve been offered a place at Chester University, to do a Masters in Drama, and it’s been a decision I’ve  uhm-ed and ah-ed over for quite a long time.

I knew that I desperately wanted to continue studying. It’s not that I’m not ready to let go of university – rather that I feel I’m not done with research and academic work yet. I have so many ideas in my head for research projects and performances, and the best place to translate those ideas into real life is university.

And besides, I’ve been a student mum before. This is no different – right?

Not exactly. Last time, I became a student mum unexpectedly. I had student parenthood thrust upon me, to (badly) paraphrase. Getting pregnant in my second year of an undergraduate degree was an accident.

This time, I am actively choosing to be a student parent. That carries with it a hefty amount of baggage.

People judge student parents. I found that out a few months ago, when I overheard a discussion in the university library. I managed to escape judgement by and large – all I had was compliments. But will it be different this time? Does it make a difference that last time, I was making the most of an unexpected situation – this time, I’m going ahead and sticking myself right in the middle of that situation?

I’m choosing not to be a stay-at-home mum. I’m choosing to “prioritise my career” – usually said in a bad way, although I can’t see how it’s bad when I’m doing it to benefit SB in the long run – and to do something that will probably come across as selfish. In some ways, it is selfish – I am going to do my Masters because it’s what I want to do – but am I a bad person for not feeling guilty about that?

I don’t think I am. I’m sure that some people will disagree, but I am learning more and more not to let other people’s opinions get to me – especially when it comes to doing something as big as a postgraduate degree.

People have been overwhelmingly positive about my decision. People have asked questions, which I’m fine with. I’m happy to be honest about financing the degree (loans) and intentions for afterwards (working in any job I can get, to pay back said loans, while I work on starting up my own company).

But still, there’s that little niggle of doubt. What if I’m doing something that’s selfish in a bad way? What if this time away from SB doesn’t pay off in the way I hope it will? What if the vocal minority are right, and I need to give up on my ambitions because I am a parent now?

I want 2016 to be a year without “what if”s – or at least, a year where “what if”s don’t rule my life any more.

In finishing my undergraduate degree, I proved to everyone else that pregnancy and parenting isn’t an obstacle to studying and achieving your ambition.

With my postgraduate degree, it’s time to prove it to myself.

Officially A Graduate!

Well, here we are then. The dust has settled, the caps have been thrown and I am a graduate!

Graduation on Friday was amazing; the loveliest and proudest day since SB was born. She was a little star throughout – she and Daf sat and watched the graduation being live-streamed, and fell asleep a few minutes after watching me walk across the stage and shake hands with the vice-chancellor! – if a little tired at the end, hence her expression in some of the pictures.

I can’t describe the feeling of walking across the stage – it was amazing!

The entire day was lovely. I had three sets of pictures done – one of me on my own, one of me with my parents and one of me with Daf and SB, so I’m looking forwards to seeing those when they arrive, along with my degree certificate! After the ceremony, we walked over to the library building with the chancellor, vice chancellors and lecturers and governers, all in their academic dress, applauding us as we passed, and then there was wine and soft drinks laid on in the library for everyone.

The speeches were inspirational, and left me determined to make the best of my degree – and with that in mind, I’ve had a slight shift in my plans for the next few years. There’ll be more on that in due course, but it was definitely a day with a lot of food for thought!

Thank you for the amazing reception to my graduation post; there have been so many kind comments and messages that I have received, and each one has made me smile (and many have made me feel a little bit teary!). There were definitely a few tears yesterday – all happy tears, as I thought about the amazing three years at Glyndwr, and how I started university as an eighteen year old with no real aim in life, and have ended it as a twenty-one year old mother with a wonderful family and a lot of plans for the future! There’s a lot said these days about how university is pointless, and is just a three year holiday for the middle classes. I’m about as far removed from middle class as it gets, and I wouldn’t change a thing about my time at university – I’d recommend it to anyone (although, if you want a slightly easier ride of it, you may wish to skip the ‘having a baby’ part).

So now it’s time for the future. For the first time, I think I’m actually ready.

What Next?

The end of my course is fast approaching.

I’ve spent the last three years of my life living, studying, doing everything at university. It’s been like existing in a little bubble, and even with the small punctuations of reality – y’know, that whole ‘having a baby’ thing – I’ve felt secure and safe and comfortable.

Now I’m about to be thrown into the big wide world, with (hopefully) a degree in Theatre, Television and Performance, and not a lot else. Right now I don’t even have a CV, let alone a particularly attractive one. My last experience of working was a few nights as a nightclub promoter in first year, and before that it was working as a takeaway cook, which I gave up to focus on my A Levels. Since the start of second year, being pregnant/having a baby and studying has pretty much divided my time equally, and I’ve not had much opportunity to do much else.

The thing is, I don’t know what I want to do next, let alone what I’ll be able to do. If I leave uni and look for work, we’ll be up the proverbial creek without a paddle financially – but how long can I realistically stay at uni, do I want to be a perpetual student, and will anywhere accept me for just one year of a three year course? Besides, it’s hardly ethical (and probably not legal), so not something I can really consider doing.

But what am I qualified to do? As a new graduate, probably not much. My degree is in Theatre, Television and Performance – it’s taught me a lot, and made me versatile, but people see the degree title and assume I’m proficient in acting like a tree and not a lot else. I’m interested in working in social media and networking, but what experience do I really have? A couple of years as a Facebook Ambassador for my uni, followed by writing this blog – and I can’t really credit this as experience, I’ve talked about my vagina on here, for god’s sake. Not what an employer wants to read.

So where do I go? The support for student parents is great while you’re at uni, but when you leave uni and become a regular, bog-standard young-but-not-young-enough-to-make-the-Tories-cry parent, the support drains away into nothing. You’re just another graduate, trying to battle all the other graduates for the rapidly-draining pool of jobs you’re barely qualified for – with the added difficulty of trying to balance childcare too.

Who, in six months time, is going to hire a 21-year-old mum with a Drama degree and a CV with huge gaping holes in it?