Paw Patrol: A Confused Mum’s Musings

A Confused Mum's Musings On Paw Patrol.jpg

So, why exactly is a 10 year old in charge of the town’s emergency services? 

SB’s interest in Pokemon has stalled, and no matter how much I beg to watch Indigo League again, she’s resolutely disinterested. Instead, she’s gone much more age-appropriate in her tastes, which is why we’ve watched both seasons of Paw Patrol on Netflix about six times in the last week. We get through both seasons twice a day, easily.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad it’s not Peppa Fucking Pig, but it’s leaving me with a lot of questions.

  1. They’ve left a 10-year-old boy in charge of the town’s emergency services. I feel sorry for Ryder. All he wants to do is play games and work on his quad, but whenever he gets a little downtime, the incompetent arseholes who inhabit Adventure Bay are calling him and begging him to help them out of whatever stupid hole they’ve dug themselves into.
  2. The emergency services are all dogs. This should probably have been #1, but I’m feeling really sorry for Ryder today. I know they say dogs are quite hygienic, but would you want one defibrillating you, or taking your statement after you’d been mugged?
  3. Weird emergency services… Okay, so we’ve got the police dog and the firefighter dog, I get that. And the hovercraft dog is basically the coastguard, and the helicopter dog is the search and rescue. But then there’s… construction dog? Is that in case someone forgets to build a house and it’s an emergency? And recycling dog. Poor recycling dog. All the other dogs have really cool stuff in their “pup packs”, what does he get? A grabby claw and some used batteries and tin cans.
  4. Even weirder emergency services. So in Season 2 they brought in new emergency services. Rather than think “I know, we’ll replace Bob the Builder Dog with a paramedic dog, and replace Bin Man Dog with a spy dog, we’ll just add extra responsibilities to the other dogs!”. Like, sorry if you’re having a heart attack and our Paramedic/Firefighter dog is putting out a fire, but Builder Dog can make you a nice coffin. Sorry if you’ve just been assaulted but Police Man/Spy Dog is out faffing with his drone, but on the bright side, here’s a coffee cup made out of old coffee cups, thanks Bin Man Dog.
  5. IT GETS WEIRDER. So we’ve got Flying Search and Rescue dog, who is the only lady dog in Season 1. So the producers think “I know! Let’s bring in another lady dog, who is also a search and rescue dog… but on a snowboard!”. Let’s have a character who is literally only useful if it is snowing/on a mountain. She could totally have been Paramedic Dog or Spy Dog.
  6. The general lack of lady dogs. Sexism! Start ’em young, folks.
  7. Who keeps electing that mayor? What were her campaign slogans? “Vote for me and I’ll walk around with a chicken in my purse and rely entirely on a 10 year old boy to run my town for me”?! Was Chickoletta her only competition? Even so, I think I would have voted for the chicken.
  8. Why do they keep saving Alex? They could reduce like 50% of Adventure Bay’s emergency services budget if they’d just leave Alex stuck up the goddamn mountain.
  9. Still a better love story than Twilight. Shout out to Wally, Wallinda and their little baby Wallbert or whatever they called him. Walruses in love are the highlight of this TV show for me.
  10. What happens when the dogs die? Do they go to the pet shop for a replacement Bin Man Dog? Do they age? Has this 10-year-old boy genetically engineered immortal dogs to work for his privatised emergency services forever?
  11. This is the future of the NHS, people. If privatisation goes ahead, in 5 years the emergency services in every town will be run by precocious ten year olds and their dogs.

Maybe I’m missing something, or maybe this show really is an allegory for a dystopian future in which all the adults are idiots and rely on a child and pets to save their lives every time they do something stupid.

Or maybe I need to get out more.

Probably that.

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