If You’re Judging Mums, I’m Judging You

Now, the article I’m referencing here actually appeared a while back, but it’s suddenly resurfaced after being shared by another, bigger website – and it’s still just as vile and inflammatory (and badly-written) as the first time I read it.

If you haven’t already figured out which article I’m talking about, here’s the title (I’m not going to post a link).

breastfeed.pngCharming, right? Absolutely charming.

I’m not going to get into yet another breast vs formula debate. There are important battles being fought on both sides, but this isn’t the time for one of those battles. Also, I may have responded to an article like this before on this blog – there are so many people out there with their judgypants on tight. Instead, I’m going to ask who the hell died and made Alex Alexander queen of all parents?

She graciously tells us that she doesn’t mind people who can’t breastfeed – it’s the ones who won’t that are on the receiving end of her wrath. She then goes on to state all the negatives about formula – including “getting into bed” with unscrupulous formula companies – essentially trying to make all formula feeding mothers feel inferior, under the thin veil of pretending to aim it at just those who chose not to breastfeed.

I feel like we need an extra leaflet to start going home in those Bounty Packs that new mums get. I took the liberty of mocking one up –

breastfeed

 

I think it makes the point quite nicely, don’t you? How perfect can these judgy mums really be, if they spend so much of their time observing other parents to make notes on how inferior they are? I can only imagine this point scoring comes from some kind of insecurity on their own part, because otherwise it’s such a useless waste of energy, surely?

Like I said, we don’t have to understand people’s choices. For Alex Alexander to say she can’t understand why someone wouldn’t breastfeed is fine. For me to say that I can’t understand why someone wouldn’t vaccinate their child is fine. For either of us to judge a mother for making that choice is wrong. For as long as breastfeeding is not legally enforced, Ms Alexander has to accept that people are going to choose formula. For as long as vaccination isn’t legally enforced, I have to accept that people are going to choose vaccinations. Judging people for doing what they feel is best for them and their family is just plain shitty.

So many people trot out the excuse “But judging is natural, everybody does it!”. It’s really not. Disagreeing with someone is natural. We’re all different, we’re not all going to agree all of the time. Parenting differently is natural, we’re not all the same in our methods and approaches.

We have to make a conscious effort to judge. We have to sit there and think “I am the better parent, because I do this and they do that“. It’s not a natural occurrence. When you judge another mother, you’re making the conscious choice to make her feel inferior, especially when you vocalise that judgement (that’s a whole new level of shitty, by the way).

And that’s the only parenting choice I’ll openly judge you for. If you judge another parent who is just trying to get by, just trying to do her best for her child, just getting on with life – then yes, Alex Alexander and everyone like you. I’m judging the hell out of you.

 

81d57379d004406ad7b7c9c5665d1b08.jpg

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6 thoughts on “If You’re Judging Mums, I’m Judging You

  1. Faye Elizabeth says:

    Well said! Thoroughly enjoyed this post, and as much as I’d like to read the article, I’m not going to give it the satisfaction!
    This is a brilliant post, Maddy. Well done for being such an open, honest and brilliant blogger!

    Like

  2. Not Yet Supermom says:

    Absolutely! Great post. I have to add that as a formula mom, it’s not gracious of someone like Alex Alexander to “understand” that I can’t breastfeed. I constantly heard “Formula is crap, who would feed their baby such poison… Oh, I’m not talking about you though, I know you can’t breastfeed”
    All moms want the very best for their kids, can’t people see it is insensitive, at best, to make these types of comments? I’m with you on judging these types of people.

    Like

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