Some people live for Hallowe’en and Bonfire Night. They spend approximately two months of the year preparing for Hallowe’en and Bonfire Night, and the other ten months criticising any holiday that isn’t Hallowe’en or Bonfire Night. The holiday that comes in for the most criticism? Christmas.
These people are dicks. Christmas is the best goddamn holiday in the history of forever. Hallowe’en is meh and Bonfire Night can go swivel (seriously, we’re celebrating someone failing to do something. It’s like having a day dedicated to that time a footballer almost scored a goal, or the time we almost won a war. Shit makes no damn sense).
So now that those wannabe-holidays are over, we can focus on what is actually the best holiday of the year now, right?
There are two types of people, and November is the month where the territory lines are quite clearly drawn.
Some people see November as the beginning of Christmas carols; the point where it is perfectly acceptable for shops to stock Christmas items (even we agree that September is a tad too early), the time when you can start surreptitiously sneaking Christmas decorations into the house (or go the whole shebang and stick your tree and lights up if you want to go Full Christmas on it). November is officially the beginning of Christmas.
The other group of people are strictly “No Christmas Until December 24th”, carol-hating, Twitter-complaining, constantly-grumbling Ebeneezer-Scrooge-style humbugs. Woe betide if you if you even whistle “Jingle Bells” in their presence – they’ll turn to you with the ferocity of a demon and growl “IT’S NOT CHRISTMAS!” with a venom that will leave you fearing for your life.
Okay, I’m exaggerating. There are more than two types of people, but everyone in between is a lot less vocal about their feelings. My Twitter timeline right now is split down the middle – half of us are decking the halls and tinselling up our Twitter feeds, as the other half tweet all the supermarkets to tell them it’s ridiculous they’re selling tubs of Celebrations and Pannetone. There’s a vicious war being fought, but as far as I’m concerned, only one side will be victorious.
It’s November. It’s cold. Restaurants are taking bookings for Christmas and X Factor is onto the live shows. IT IS OBVIOUSLY CHRISTMAS.
Maybe I’m delusional. Maybe it’s been a bit of a tough year, so I’m happy to get the festivities started as early as possible. Maybe I’m just searching for any excuse to get SB kitted out in some adorable Christmas togs, a la last year’s offerings..
(I must admit, come December 30th, my Scrooge tendencies rear their head, and I find myself wanting to tear down the tree and put a brick through the TV whenever Christmas is mentioned. There’s a three day ‘cooling off’ period for Christmas, and then that’s it. I get slightly stabby at the sight of Christmas trees up after New Year… but if I could put my tree up right this second, believe you me – this flat would be covered in tinsel before you can say “Bah humbug”!).