My #Mommitment

A few weeks ago, I was given a #Mommitment award – my blog had been judged as going above and beyond to support other mums. I was really pleased – that’s what I’ve always intended to do. I joined the Mommitment group on Facebook, and realised just how important this movement is. There’s so much being said lately about the Mommy Wars and Sanctimommies, and how parenting has become such a competition lately. With debates like breastfeeding vs formula, pushchair vs babywearing and purees vs baby-led weaning turning into mass arguments, it’s not hard to see why there are a lot of moms out there feeling unsupported.

mommitment

Motherhood is a tough time. It’s a lonely time. There are so many choices we have to make, and our totally valid choices are constantly judged – not just by outsiders, but by other mums too. Being told that you are doing the wrong thing, and potentially harming the most precious person in your life, is awful. It’s little wonder that postnatal depression is so prevalent, when some parents spend so much of their time making others feel like bad parents.

Let’s be honest, we all judge. We all have moments where we roll our eyes internally and think “If was that parent, I’d…”. I did it the other day in the supermarket. A child of about seven or eight was running up and down the aisles, no manners, not an ‘excuse me’ or a ‘sorry’ when she ran into Daf and physically pushed his arm out of the way so that she could get past. My immediate instinct was to judge. I rolled my eyes and looked around for whoever was with the child, telling myself that I would never allow SB to behave so awfully.

Then I caught myself. What if I couldn’t see head nor tail of her parents, because they had their hands full looking after her disabled sibling? What if the little girl herself had behavioural or emotional issues, and letting her run was preferable to causing a full-on meltdown in the middle of Morrisons? What if her mum or dad are at their wits’ end, feeling on the brink, totally unsupported, and they don’t have the fight left in them to try and stop the girl. To have someone glare at them, or huff loudly, or tell them to control their child is the last thing they need.

Of course, it’s possible that her parents just didn’t give a shit – that they were happy to let her run free as long as it kept her out from under their feet while they shopped. That’s totally possible too – but I’d rather not take that risk, and make someone at their lowest ebb feel even worse.

So this is my #Mommitment – my commitment and promise to all mums, everywhere. I’m not going to say that I will never judge. It’s human nature to judge; it’s almost a reflex action when we see something and think “I’d never do that”. To promise that I’ll never judge again would be disingenuous of me.

But my #Mommitment is to swallow that judgement, and never ever voice it. If I am genuinely concerned for a child’s welfare, I will contact the appropriate authorities, and never tell them that I think they are a bad parent. If I see someone doing something that I’d never do, I will remind myself that we all do things differently, because all children are different.

I will remind myself that I am seeing a page of someone’s life, not their entire story. I will remember that even on the days when I feel positive, and to the entire world, it looks as if I have it all together, to have someone roll their eyes at me or mutter a sarcastic comment about my parenting skills would shatter that strength, and I’d fall apart. I don’t want to be responsible for doing that to someone else.

Please do the same, and make a #Mommitment. Show solidarity with mums across the world, and show kindness rather than judgement. We’re all learning how to be the best parents we can be together – there are no medals and no trophies, and no-one is observing to see who the “Best Mum” is. With support and solidarity, we can all become better parents.

Please sign the Mommitment petition, visit the Mommitment website and join the Facebook group , and join this amazing movement!

Keep Calm and Carry On Linking Sunday
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23 thoughts on “My #Mommitment

  1. Not Yet Supermom says:

    Absolutely 100% back you on this. What a wonderful group. And I agree, it’s natural to have an opinion when you see others parenting style, but to voice it is unnecessary. People make choices based on their own life experiences, as long as the the child is healthy. You are only seeing a page, as you said.

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  2. Lucy says:

    I’ve been mentally composing a post on this for sometime now, but I might just post a link to this instead – you’ve said it brilliantly. I’ve never heard of the Mommitment group but I’m headed over to facebook to check them out now. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. ameliasmum says:

    Love this. I teach children with behavioural issues and I know that people sometimes judge thier parents – I hate that so much. They don’t see the entire story that is such a great metaphor. x

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  4. Messed Up Mum says:

    Well done you, this is brilliant. I myself have definitely been guilty of judging, as if I’m mother of the year (so not!!)! I love this idea, I hope I can follow suit and have the same attitude xx

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  5. cvnxena says:

    I love this! Unfortunately I think I am very quick to judge situations (i am a bit of a control freak shh :p ) but since becoming a parent and realising that sometimes a kid’s got to cry it out (and it’s usually in a very public place) to learn things like manners and how rules work etc etc I try not to be so judgemental. I love the idea of a #mommitment. Thanks for sharing #KCACOLS

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  6. Lucy @bottlefor2 says:

    Great advice. I think we all try our best not to judge and then have momentary lapses! Some more than others. It always seems to be bad manners that make me the most cross and then you have to take a step back and think… I suppose it’s all my perception of the manners I think are polite!

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  7. Mumisthewordblog says:

    I’m pretty sure you’ve said thing that needs saying. Of course we make snap judgements, who doesn’t? But it’s such a greater good to swallow them than voicing them here there and everywhere. Congratulations on a fantastic post and bringing to light the fact we should support one another not judge! #KCAKOLS

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  8. Tracey Bowden (@frazzledmumblog) says:

    I totally agree with you 100% I admit I can be quick to judge but I never voice it or let others now and after I have thought about what I am judging I usually come to the same conclusion as you. I have had people verbally judge me and my parenting before now and I didn’t like it at all as they knew nothing about me (I was called a lazy mum for not walking my 9 year old daughter and 11 year old niece right to the school gates even though I could see them walking into the gates and left after the waved from the playground, I had actually been in work till 3am that day and was back in at 12 midday) so I try never to do that to anybody else! #KCACOLS

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  9. A Moment with Franca says:

    What a great thing to say!! I definitely think that we should do our best to try not to voice our judgements are it is not very fair doing that!!! We really don’t know what exactly is going on with them. Also it is better to try to have positive energy in our lives!! Great post Maddy!! I really like it!! Thanks so much for sharing this at #KCACOLS. It is always a pleasure to have you here. Also I just wanted to say that I’m very grateful for all the commenting that you normally within this linky!! I really appreciate it!!

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