I was dreading my scan, more than a little bit. I don’t know what it is, but somewhere in my head I was convinced that everything was going to go wrong – that they’d find something badly wrong with the baby.
Seeing that little squishy thingy on the screen with its heartbeat was one of the most amazing experiences of my life, without a shadow of a doubt. The look that passed between D and I was like seeing each other in a new light – suddenly we were seeing each other as parents rather than “he’s my boyfriend, I’m his girlfriend”, and it was incredible.
Of course, being me, I could never do anything the easy way – the baby was lazy (I explained to the sonographer that it runs in the family), and so I had to go and wiggle my way around the hospital to try and wake him up. The looks I got as I made my way around the hospital, to the cafe and back whilst invisible-hula-hooping were great – as was, I imagine, the sight of me shouting “WAKE UP” to my stomach every few steps. Still, it worked, as baby woke up and they were able to give me a due date – 28th April 2014.
I am not actually allowed to give birth on the 28th or 29th April on fear of death, the 23rd is out of bounds so we could do with no early arrivals, the 30th is someone’s anniversary and there’s already a birthday on the 2nd May, so baby’s got quite a tight schedule to work around. The midwife pointed out that baby will come when he wants to, and I know damn well that if he or she is even half as awkward as I am, they’ll arrive right when they’re not supposed to, so there’s no point trying to dictate when it’s born.
That said, D secretly – or not so secretly – hopes it’ll arrive on May 4th, so that it’s born on Star Wars day and he can say “I am your father” when it’s born and cut the cord with a lightsaber or something like that. He even went as far to tell me that I have to hold it in until that day. If he’d said it when I was hormonal, he might not have had a voicebox left. He’s still not out of the woods; if I go a day over my due date and he suggests I keep it in, I think I’ll be throttling him.
There also came the question of boy/girl. We’re going to find out at the 20 week scan if possible – it’s still a surprise, it’s just a question of whether we’ll be surprised at 20 weeks or 40 weeks. I like having time to plan, and so I’ll at least have some kind of idea of whether we need girly clothes or not (I don’t go for the whole pink/blue thing, and I’m more than happy to dress a little girl up in dinosaur t-shirts and jeans, but I think a little boy seeing pictures of himself in a pretty little dress and tights as a baby might not be welcomed, so it is a factor. Plus… I just want to know!
Based on the scan it’s impossible to tell if it’s a boy or a girl, but the baby is in the exact same position as I was in my first scan, which my parents showed me last weekend, so if I had to lean towards one or the other, I’d be inclined to say girl – but honestly, I don’t mind. I know everyone says this, but it’s true – as long as it’s happy and healthy, I couldn’t care less whether it’s a boy or a girl.