I’m currently at week 13, but there are a few events over the past few weeks that deserve their very own spot in the diary.
This is the week we found out. I’d ignored all the fairly obvious symptoms – nausea, weeing more often and the one that people really shouldn’t ignore, the all-fabled missed period – because my cycle had always been a little bit crazy. I skipped one in May without any issues, and I assumed the other symptoms were just some kind of UTI.
I was too embarrassed to go and get a test, so I sent D out to get one. Dutifully he returned, and I assured him it was just to rule it out, because they’d probably ask about it when I got to the doctors, and I wanted to be able to say “Definitely not”. So I ignored pretty much every rule on the test, including the one about it being the first wee of the day, and the unwritten rule of ‘always take the instruction sheet into the toilet with you’, and went about my business (as you do).
Ten seconds later (really – that’s all it took for it to come up).
Me – D!! What does the little X mean?
D – What?
Me – I forgot the box! What does a cross mean?
D – Positive…
Me – (noise that is somewhere between dying elephant and the wail of someone watching their life disappear before their eyes)
D – Are you ok…?
And so on. And then I stepped out of the bathroom, washed my hands and realise… hey. Yeah it’s scary, yeah I have no idea what’s going to happen with uni, yeah it’s big and it’s a living thing and oh my god what am I going to do… but babies are fun. And this one was mine. I don’t go for the whole “it’s something to love me unconditionally”, because I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to have a baby. I’d rather be honest, and say that the reason we are having a baby is because we didn’t use contraception – it’s as easy as that. And we are proof that you get carried away once, and it’s all you need – suddenly everything changes.
I’m not saying it’s completely a bad thing, as I don’t want this to turn into some government propaganda thing saying ‘don’t have sex, or you will get pregnant and die’ (Mean Girls, anyone?) but it’s not the life I would’ve chosen for myself. At least, it wasn’t six weeks ago. Now I can’t imagine things being any different. Yes, it turns life upside down, but it does it in the strangest way – you hate it and love it at the same time.
I don’t think pregnancy is a doddle for anyone, but there are a few more issues when you’re younger that people do neglect to tell you. The ones I’ve uncovered so far will also be covered a little bit later in this blog.
This is also the week that we told both sets of parents. One set – D’s – took it well. The other set – mine – didn’t. Again, just proof of how everything can change in six weeks – my parents are excited to be grandparents, and I hope they don’t mind me saying that on their behalf, as I know that’s how they feel. They were only ever concerned for my health, safety and future – and I think once I sat down with them and explained that it wasn’t the end of the world, and I wasn’t going to let it stop me – and that for me, abortion just wasn’t an option – they started to understand.
So week six was full of ups and downs – it ended on a bad note, but it started with us finding out that this rollercoaster ride was about to begin.